Ep.112 Felicia Rangel - Surviving, Thriving, and Giving Back

In this episode, Booda and Martin introduce Felicia Rangel, who shares her powerful journey of overcoming addiction and legal struggles. Growing up in a turbulent environment, Felicia's life took a pivotal turn following a drug smuggling incident, leading to a spiritual awakening. Despite the looming prison time, she focused on personal transformation and now actively supports others in recovery. Through faith, community support, and determination, Felicia transformed her life, demonstrating that recovery is possible for anyone. Her story emphasizes love, resilience, and the importance of not giving up. 

If you would like to join us on The ARCast, either live, in the studio, or online, be sure to click the link below and fill out the form. We'll be in contact with you and get you scheduled ASAP!
https://linktr.ee/americasrehabcampus

If you, or someone you know is in need of substance abuse treatment, please contact Americas Rehab Campus. We're available 24/7 and our phone number is 1-833-272-7342.

Transcript

Ep.112: Felicia Rangel - Surviving, Thriving, and Giving Back

 Ladies and gentlemen, you are now tuned into The The The ARCast  What is going on, everybody? Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the ARCast. My name is Booda. 

My name is Martin. 

Yeah, I got Martin in here with us again. We got to give Martin a shout out. Give him some air horns. And today we have a very, very special guest.

It actually ended up being kind of fate in a weird way. I ran into Martin a couple of days ago. I'll let him tell the story a little bit more, but ladies and gentlemen, I want you to seriously put your hands together, get up out your seat, and give a huge round of applause to our homegirl Felicia Rangel. Full audience tonight.  So, how are you doing, Ms. Rangel? 

I'm blessed. I'm doing great. 

Doing good? 

Yeah. Happy to be in here with you guys. Happy to see this guy every time I see him. 

Yeah. So, um, I have some, some  I guess some history report with, with, um, Felicia and, um, and her mom. 

Yeah.

But the last time I saw her, what was it like three years ago maybe? And I saw her through a court process. And so I, I would, every time I saw her mom, I would ask for her and see how she was doing. And all that, but I came across with her here at the, at the kitchen not so long ago. And she said hi to me and I'm all like, who's this weird lady saying hi? 

So she's all like, you don't remember me? And she looks like so healthy, there's a glow in her face, in her eyes, and she's all like, it's me, it's Felicia. And I was happy to hear that she's working for us here at the ARC. So I was pretty excited, you know? So every time I see her, I've seen her since then, like three or four times came across the center.

And that, that time that I was coming to talk to you, I had just talked, spoken with her and the idea just came to my head of inviting her to a podcast. And so it's an honor for me to be in this podcast as well with you and Felicia as well. And I know she has a story. She's come a long way. I'm happy that she's working for us.

You know, we're blessed to having you in our team and giving that light of hope to others, you know, that recovery is possible. So that's it. That's when I told you, you know, we got to invite her and see what she's got to share. 

No, absolutely. And, and miss, uh, Felicia, how much time do you have right now?

Sober time.  

It'll be three years, May  

9th. 

May 9th. That's incredible. 

I can calculate 

the actual days, but I don't know. 

Hey, let's do it.  Let's teach the listeners, man. You got to keep it on. You got to keep track of everything. It's like counting macros. You got to know that shit. Exactly, right? 

So, 1079 days. 

1, 

079 days.

Congratulations. One more for you. I'm gonna give you one more.  So, you know, that's fantastic. How, I personally feel, right, like there's no such things as coincidences. Did you have any clue that he was working here?  

Um,  I kinda did, but it was just crazy because the last time that I had seen him before I ran into him in the kitchen, uh,  I was actually like, Oh my gosh.

In county jail, like, in county jail, like, wearing my My red little outfit, you know, that they give you. And, uh, he was the only person that I actually saw in person after I got sentenced because like my family wasn't able to come visit me and stuff. So that I really, that really like,  that sticks to you, you know?

So, um, so yeah, uh, it was just crazy to see him like outside of that environment and to see him here and,  you know, be a different person, to, to feel like a different person and see. See, see somebody still, still helping people out and still, you know, it's, it's inspiration for me. So, yeah, 



So, um, that was just really awesome to see.

That's really cool, you know, and, and, uh, you know, typical fashion of the ARCast, what we normally do is, you know, we have amazing people in here from throughout the community. They have different roles throughout the community. You know, talking about where they started. You know, we kind of go into the weeds a little bit, talking about certain things to where they're at now.

You know, in the position just like yourself, being able to help people every single day. So, I really want to start from the beginning, if you're cool with that. You know, where are you from? Are you from Tucson, Arizona? 

I was born in El Paso, Texas. 

Que Paso, El Paso. 

Um, I grew up in Juarez for a little bit.

And, uh, you know, I was one of those kids that, like,  went back and forth, uh, like, you know, wake up at three in the morning, cross the border, get dropped off at my dad's house, he'd walk us to school, then we'd get picked up and go back and do it again. And then my mom ended up getting married, um, when I was eight, and we moved to Tucson. 

And, um, I've been here ever since. 

And your dad lived in Juarez? 

My dad, my mom's parents lived in Juarez. Okay. So, when she divorced my dad, we kinda just went back there to, uh, you know, stay with them. And we'd stay back and forth, like my grandparents raised me, my mom was really young and, you know, she was working and doing her thing, so.

Yeah. 

So yeah, it was just like a lot of back and forth. 

Okay. And as far as like your mom and dad goes, you know, just, just curious about that. What was the situation with your mom and dad separating? Was, was it because of addiction or anything like that? 

Um, I think it had a lot to do with it. My mom was in high school still when she had me.

And, um, my dad was like a few years older and he still struggles with. Alcoholism.  And he's pretty much struggled with it like all his life and, uh, there was like a lot of, uh, you know, domestic violence things and, um,  he, you know, just, it was just not a happy situation for her so she had to remove herself from that situation and, uh, just move on with her life and, uh, she had, she ended up leaving him and, um, you know.

And 

growing up, did you have any siblings? 

Yeah, uh, my brother, Joshua, he was born  like a year and a half after me. And we share the same dad. And so we kind of went through it together, you know. And then my mom, after she married my, Mark, my,  I still call him my stepdad. Even though they're not married. Um,  She had my sister Alex, who's like 22 now, and my brother Marco, he's like 19, and my mom ended up getting divorced from my stepdad, and she had my youngest brother James, he was like 14 now, so.

Oh wow. So 

I'm the oldest of five. 

Oh wow, that's a pretty big household then. 

Yeah. 

That's cool. And what would you say, you know, I know that divorce always plays a role. Whether, whether it's a bad environment or not, you know, it's like a family's designed for the mother and the father to be together. So I know that always plays a role.

But as far, you know, as far as you growing up and education and stuff like that, did you have a pretty good childhood? Were you doing pretty good in school, things like that? 

Yeah, I was, I was always really good in school. Uh, well, up until I got to like middle school, you know, but um, Yeah. I was like an honor student.

I was always getting awards, you know, but that was like  I it it was honestly, yeah until Sixth grade, I think. And then things started kind of changing, um, but, but yeah, it didn't really affect that, that part of me, you know, just. 

And, and, and just curious, you know, well, for one, to all the listeners, if you hear a lot of noise, there's nobody in your trunk, they're upstairs, just doing a group room right now, and, and you can hear them stomping around.

But, uh, as far as, you know, growing up was, you know, just to kind of give the listeners a little bit of a background, was there ever any. Uh, diagnosis or anything that you had as a kid? Bipolar, depression, anything like that?  

No, honestly, I feel like in, like, Mexican families, it's something that is barely starting to be talked about or, like, even, like, accepted.

. Because they kind of look at it as just like, suck it up and deal with it, you know? They don't, you're not really allowed to talk about like, even ask questions like, Hey mom, why, or hey dad, you know, why'd you guys get divorced? Or hey, why is this happening? Or why is it like, or hey, like, I feel angry about this.

Or hey, I feel, like, you can't, it's not a part of the life, you know? It's not something that you really are able to do. So, um, Now, like, I remember, like,  you know, when I got older, I would talk to my grandma and just tell her, like, you know, I'm just depressed, you know, and she'd be like, Amarate un novario.

And you know,  yeah, literally, like, just suck it up, you know, and I'm, and I'm like, and she could do it. So, you know, more power to her, you know, but I don't know what happened. Like, evolution happened where we just got more like, I don't know, or maybe they just were supposed to deal with it. I don't even, I don't, that's a whole nother.

Yeah, it's like the internet and the cable TV and all that shit that they never had before. If you feel depressed back in the day, you go outside and play with sticks and shit. That was all changing bro. 

I'll get you 

a depression, go 

clean, go do something outside. 

For real, 

for real. Man, okay, so yeah, I agree with you a hundred percent.

I feel like a lot of Mexican households It's like this especially the machismo that that it's a hard thing to get away from but it's like it's like being a brillo pad bro, like  You're not you're not able to be sensitive or compassionate or anything because it's calmate You know, I mean like it's it's really really hard.

I think that's a generational curse Do would you agree with that? 

I 

agree in and I'm relating a lot just by the little that what I'm hearing cuz being a race in the border town rank  So our, our culture is a little bit different than what happens.  At house stays at house, right? 



There's just some topics that you can't touch or they're just  and they're just unknown.

It's not nothing against our parents or nothing against our family. They're just like, yeah, like taboo and you snap out of it or it's just like, like weird because you don't talk about a lot of the things that you were and I relate a lot to what you were saying, 

man. I know you said that it was around the sixth grade.

When things started to change for you, was there a situation that kind of led to it? Or were you just a teenager? Like, what was going on around that time? 

It was a combination of everything, like 

Oh, shit. 

Yeah, it was just 

I got a 12 year old, so I'm just like living vicariously right now. 

It was like a, it was just a combo of everything, like, of  You know, cause all that stuff we were just talking about, like how, how you just have to keep it in.

Well, once you get to middle school, like you have all these other problems, like at school, like with the kids and popularity and like, then your hormones start kicking in and then like all everything changes, you know what I mean? So it kind of all just, 

It's like, and then you start like getting rebellious and start questioning things and you start  acting up, you know, and having attitude and, you know, and like, I mean, everybody goes through it, you know, but, uh, but when you don't have like guidance, like somebody, at least one person in there to tell you like, Hey, it's okay.

What's going on? Like the, you know, and they're just like, Oh, you're, you shouldn't be acting like that. Or you, you, you know, it's like, it's a little.  It just pushes you away more to, like, go a different route. 

Did you have a big family?  

So I do have a big family, but most of them live in El Paso. Yeah.

Like all my cousins, like all my, the only. Family that I have that lives here are my siblings and my stepdad and my mom. 

And what year did you come from El Paso? 

Uh, 1998. 

Oh, okay, so you were just, you were just a young, young little girl at that time. Yeah, because that's what I'm trying to think is like, you know, I do know That is the generational curse like we talked about, right?

But at the same time, there's also a lot of love in Mexican families that I've seen too. 

Lots of food. 

Yeah, a lot of food. Yeah, dude, that's my favorite. 

Trying to touch the heart with food. 

Absolutely. Uh, you know, um, it's, it's, it's definitely true. You know, do you feel like you had a lot of love growing up with your mom and your stepdad and stuff?

Like, was there love in your household?



There was, um It wasn't like the kind of love that like I,  I was looking for that I wanted to have, you know? My mom, she's battled through  some, a lot of things, you know? So she, we didn't ever really have a close relationship. I, I honestly, to be truthfully honest with you guys, I grew up as a young child feeling like I was her, like I was a mistake.

Like I, like I, like I was always trying to please her, to make her want me around, to make her, you know, just because, like, I came into her life and she wasn't really expecting it, you know?  So like, now we have a great relationship, you know, thank God, thanks to, you know.  But for the longest time, and especially like when I was younger, it really,  it really was different, you know?

I can understand, especially the fact that you said your mom was still in high school when she had you, right? I mean, any of us can go back to our high school years, bro, and imagine having a young baby at that age. Yeah. I mean. We're still very, I mean, at least speaking for myself, I know I was still very self absorbed and like, you know, just everything you were talking about, the hormones, everything kicking in.

Like I couldn't imagine having to raise a life and start a life. You know what I mean? Uh, and  you know, middle school, you know, going back to the whole education thing, you know, you said you were doing pretty good. You just started rebelling. At what age did you start dabbling in substances? Like, well, when did that start for you?

Was that something that you were ever afraid of?  

Well,  no, actually, I was curious because I would see like my, my grandfather, my dad, like always drinking, you know, and then, you know, the parties, everybody's drinking and like,  so I just got curious and I'm like, I was like, I wanted to know what, what, what, what's going on.

Like, why, why does everybody love this? You know? So I, my grandpa in Juarez, he had like a little Abarrota store, like, you know, one of those little  corner grocery market things. And, uh, I remember one day he left me and my brother with this guy that would help him out. And, uh, he's like, I'll be right back.

Uh, don't touch anything, you know? And, uh, As soon as he took off, I went and I grabbed a pack of cigarettes from behind the counter,  and I went and I grabbed, uh, like a beer, and  My brother would always follow me along everywhere, you know, so he's just sitting next to me like looking at me like what the hell is he doing?

, but uh, I remember I like lit the cigarette and I I started coughing and I was like, oh that doesn't taste so good  and then like I I took a sip of like the beer and I was like  I was like what like, you know This is horrible.  I was like, I don't I don't understand but I didn't think like  oh man This what am I doing?

Like this isn't this isn't good. You know, it wasn't like an alert You For me, like, to stop doing that. And then, um, my dad, when I was, we would go visit him over the summer. And, um,  I remember he, he would tell me like,  if you're going to do anything, just do it with me. And, you know, as long as you do it with me, you're good, whatever.

And I was like, okay. So,  uh, I went over there with him for the summer, one summer, and we went to Juarez. And, uh, cause he had a house over there. And, we went and got, I, I started drinking with my dad. And,  so to me, it was kinda like,  Okay, well, my dad's letting me do it, you know? 

Yeah. 

And, uh, yeah, that's how that started.

And it, it makes you, it makes you see, too, how generational curses are passed down from generation to generation. Cause I had a, I had a friend who, same thing, you know, um, I don't want to be too specific because they'll be able to figure out what I'm talking about. But they had a parent that was like, Hey, you can smoke here.

You can drink here, whatever. And by the time we were 14, he was already doing lines in his room and all kinds of crazy shit. You know what I mean? So I can see where that would be detrimental. It's, it's crazy to think as a parent. You know, like if you look at your babies right now and think like, Hey, let's have a couple of beers together.

Like it's just, it's, it's gotta,  everyone is taught that, right? Like somebody, somebody was taught that that was okay for that to happen. 

So it's up to us to start breaking those chains once you identify it. Right. 

Absolutely. 

Yeah. I could relate a lot to, to what you were saying too. I started drinking with my family and do it here at the house and. 

And it was just normal for all of us. It wasn't just me. It was other primos, cousins. They were just like in a get together drinking and it was normal. Well, 

and, and, and this was all, you know, listening to it, it was your, this was your, from your dad's side too, where that store was right in Juarez. 

It was my mom's dad's store.

Okay. Yeah, but my, but he actually died from alcoholism and, and so him, I had him and then my dad  who are both father figures to me, you know, and, and, you know, They were both. 

Yeah. And what, and what about your mom, did your mom know that there was shenanigans going on when you went with your dad and stuff?

Was she aware of all that stuff? 

No, she didn't know. Um, but I definitely threw it in her face a couple times when we would fight about stuff. Like, I'd be like, well, my dad like, you know, let's me drink whatever. Or like, I would just tell her so that she knew, like,  so she would be aware of something in my life, you know?

 Something drastic in my life that was going on.  I don't know, I guess I was just trying to get some type of a reaction from her. 

Yeah, 

um, 

attention. I mean, a lot of kids go through that thing. 

Yeah. 

I know you said that, you know, you were dabbling in the drinking and things like that. As far as your academics and stuff goes, did they start declining?

Like where did you ever graduate from high school?  

So I got my GED, uh, in Texas. I went back to El Paso a couple of times in high school to like go live with my dad. Um, I'd end up coming back, but one of the times I got my GED and then, um, I went to PMI and got my medical assistant certificate. And that's as far as I went with that.

Good for you though. That's cool. You got a, uh, a trade under your belt. That's cool too. You know what I'm saying? And, and as far as when did you start dabbling into harder substances? Did, did you start smoking weed, things like that too?  

Yeah. Um, like the summer of eighth grade, I, uh, I started drinking like, like to where I ended up in the hospital and Because we I grew up in Oro Valley, right?

That's where we move had moved to the north side and I We would just chill at the foothills mall all day Like we were that was our thing because there's nothing else to do out there, you know so, um,  I remember like one weekend before high school Me and my friends were like, well, we got to get really  wasted before, you know, high school comes, you know, whatever, blah, blah, blah.

And so  we went to the mall, we went to Albertsons, we stole some Bacardi-O.  We went to the, the Barnes and Nobles, the, the bathroom in Barnes and Nobles, and we, we poured out some drinks, and I drank, like,  way too much. I woke up in the hospital with my stepdad, like, pacing back and forth, and he's, like, this, like, German guy, you know, so he was, like,  cussing in German and stuff, just, like, he was pretty scary when he was angry, you know?

So, like, I remember Like the first thing I saw was the clock and it was one o'clock in the morning and I was like  I was just immediately Like what the fuck? you know and Yeah, they had to put my ambulance had I come they had to put my stomach out They they said it was the equivalent of me drinking three thirty packs to myself within an hour  Yeah, like my alcohol level was like like I should have been dead, you know, and um,  I Remember we had smoked weed to like in the  in the desert Outside by the foothills mall and um,  so there was this cop that came over to the house and she's like,  she's like You know, where did you guys get the marijuana from?

And I was just like, uh, I don't know like, you know And she's like well,  you know I got really lucky being young and underage and like a female like for cuz she's like, you know I'm not gonna just promise, you know, you're not gonna do this again blah blah and I was like, okay, you know Yeah, but it was just one of those like, okay, it's like Sweet like I'm getting away with this, you know, and um, that's the first like big trouble I got in with alcohol and with you know smoking weed and then I started dating a guy that was like really into smoking weed and um, I, he was like the first real boyfriend that I had and I was with him for a while and Um,  I started smoking weed more even though I didn't really even like it, you know Like I didn't really I didn't like the high from it.

I just  I don't know, did it because it was like an escape and, you know, something cool to do on my free time.  

Were you, did you ever have any, as far as like activities go, were you ever into sports or anything? Did you have any outlets? 

Um, yeah, I, I played soccer for like  a couple times.  But, my parents both worked and I didn't,  It just wasn't really like,  at the time I felt like it wasn't really encouraged, you know?

, 

yeah. 

Because they were so busy, you know, and 

Yeah, and it's hard because especially around the, you're a 90s baby, right? Yes. So it's around that time is when, you know, those dual family incomes Households really started like taking it wasn't there's no more I mean, there's no more one parent staying at home Like it's it's rare if you have a job that's good enough to provide like Husband and wife are both out there working getting money at that time So it is hard, you know, especially if you've never had that encouragement yourself, you know to kind of I see that now with my son.

My son's into sports, and if it wasn't for my wife, bro, there's no way I would be encouraging shit. I just never had that, you know what I mean? So, and, let me see. At what point in your life did your substance abuse start becoming a hindrance to you, where you decided, you know, where you started thinking that you needed to start to change your life a little bit?

So I started doing coke when I was like 16 and I really liked it, you know, it was it was great  but um, I Then I started working and then so I would just  do more coke, you know, I'd be doing it at work like, you know, and  and then and then my stepdad I remember had gotten a prescription for like Vicodin's and um  I remember like taking one and I was like, Oh, I really like this, you know, and so then I had a friend in high school that her, her mom was like really sick.

So she would bring me all these pills like methadone, uh, oxys, just like all kinds of stuff. And, uh, and I would just like pop them on the weekends, like, you know, just, and I, it was crazy because like, I didn't really, you know, honestly didn't do them like every day and get all crazy with it, you know? Yeah.

I just would do it for fun. Like it was like my, my fun time, you know, like 

That's how it starts. 

Yeah, it's how it starts. Exactly. And um,  and then when I was dating that guy, uh, I remember he was like, just smoke weeds, like don't do pills, blah, blah, blah. And then I, I went to go live at In El Paso with my, with my dad, and um, For like three weeks, I couldn't get a hold of this guy, like I was just calling him, and calling him, and calling him, and like,  He would pick up the phone and just hang up, and I'm like, Like, what the hell is going on with him?

Like, you know, like, 

This is the boyfriend at the time? 

Yeah. So, turns out, He started shooting up heroin and was like a full blown heroin addict. 

And I didn't even 

know this until, so I came back and I remember like, he was like, well, I'm really sick right now and blah, blah, blah. And I'm all thinking he has the flu.

So I go to the store and get him like some medicine, go to like, get him some soup and stuff and bring it to him. 

That's nice. 

Yeah. And his mom, I'll come in and his mom's looking at me like, what the hell?  She's like, okay. And  I'm like, That's still Clueless, right? And then I'm like, here you go. And he's just like, doesn't tell me anything, you know?

And then, um, I did notice he like started acting weird though, like different, like more like,  I don't know if the right word is like hostile, but like more like, uh, cause I had a job. He was, I would come over and hang out with him and he'd be like, we'd buy coke and like do it, you know, whatever. And then one time I was like, okay, um, yeah, let's just  coke or weed.

Okay. Yeah, whatever. And then I get there and he came out and he was like, uh, we have a problem. Uh, I got to tell you something. So. So and so didn't drop off that or weed he or coke he dropped off  black tar heroin instead and I was like what  and  But then I was just like, you know what? He's like, it's just like the pills and mind you This is the same guy that was telling me that not to do pills that it was that you know to just smoke weed so I don't know what happened while I was gone, but so he just went downhill real quick.

Um, so  I was like, okay Well, I guess I'll try it, you know and um  I started noticing like the changes in him because like  he wanted to do it more and more and more like like  all the time To where it was like he was he was obviously like addicted to it, you know, and me I was just like  Like I, I'd wanna, he, he'd be like, let's go get, get some, whatever.

So we'd go get it. I, we'd come back and I'd be like, wanting to watch a movie or chill and he'd be like, fiending, like, to try to like, just get high really quick, you know? And I remember being like, like, what the hell? And one time we got in a fight because of it, and he like locked me out of his house, but he went in my purse and took the stuff out of my purse and locked me out of his house.

And then that's when I was like,  what the hell?  Like what, like what's, what is, like, what is this? Like, what's going on here?  And  

And you had never seen  That like addicted before 

yeah, 

no, I I had no idea and um,  but then but then I just kind of put it together and I Was like, okay. Well this shit must be really horrible, you know , but at the same time my mom and I started fighting a lot more and She she Her and my stepdad got divorced.

My, my grandfather passed away and all this stuff started happening and I just like I didn't know who to turn to so I just turned to the guy, you know, and I just turned to the heroine and before you knew it I was instead of just smoking it I was he was like well here and he like you know put a needle in my arm and um it was a wrap like you know yeah and um  and I lived with him for a while Without even his parents knowing, because their house was pretty big, and they, his parents were like, one of those parents were like, they did, they, he always had friends over, and they were always doing like, crazy stuff, and like, you know, they didn't really.

Yeah, did he have money? 

His parents did, yeah. 

Yeah, I had a few friends growing up that had money like that, dude, and they were just like, so busy with work, the kids just, they just did whatever the fuck they wanted to do, it was crazy. Yeah. Man, how long was that relationship?  

I was like 14, I think, when I started dating him, and then, um,  we, when I was like 19, we kind of like separated because I went to  detox, like I went to detox, it was when Compass was still around.

Yeah. That place was  I don't know if anybody remembers Compass. 

On 

22nd? 

Uh, the one right there on, um, Dodge. 

On Dodge, yeah. I've been there a few times, yeah. 

Yeah, that, that place was rough, man. 

It was rough.  

The chairs and it was kind of dark. 

They had a, like, it was like a You know those horror movies you see with, like, in the hospitals?

Stuff. Where, like, people are walking around in, like, gowns and, like, blankets. Blankets, yeah. And they're, you know, like, 

just And their behinds, see-through.. 

They would literally stick, like, you'd be, like, detoxed or kind of getting better, and then they'd stick somebody that's, like,  throwing up and just freaking out in the room with you, you know?

. And, like, it just, it was, like  It was, I mean, I was young and like At 

at 19 to have that experience, right? 

Yeah, and because a lot, at the time, like a lot of people that were in the, you know, they're like older people, you know, and they're like, what are you doing here? You know, you're, you're so young and like, but I had already had a lot of friends that died from, from overdoses, you know, like Because the high school I went to, we literally didn't have anything else to do except for like, get high.

And like, you know, our parents were never home. And like, I mean, not, I can't speak for all the students and all the kids because  there's some that are doing really well right now. But like a lot of them, you know, they just, 

And that's how we say it, though. It's weird because they're all like, everyone's doing it, but then it's everyone that we hang around and it's a big group, but there's also like, A bigger group that's doing well, you know what I mean?

So  when I, I, I think I've been to Detox like numerous of times. I lost count, but the first few times was, um,  not sure if it was name on compass, but there was one on Dodge. There was the other one on 22nd and the other one, I think it was in Benson  and jumping in and out of those three. 

Yeah, 

but it does it is it was impactful, you know It did play a big role in where I was like and I remember the first few times that I like probably the first or second Time that I will go into it was it was impactful and scary So here in Felicia share her at 19 years old bro, like going into detox where 

yeah 

You see like a big mixture of culture age, you know And that must have been very impactful for you to go at 19  and as a female I don't know I always felt bad, bro, for females in addiction.

Like I always felt they got the shorter end of the stick. They were most vulnerable. And, and I was that kind of person when I was active addiction, trying to supposedly save them, you know, or take care of them because I could see. That they suffer in people trying to take advantage of them. 

Yeah. 

And I always, I don't know, I always felt kind of bad in seeing people, girls in detox, young girls in detox.

And I was, and I don't know, I felt that I could survive anywhere. Like I could survive in jail, prison, and then come across when you start meeting these girls, like there were,  

Tougher than some man, they had more cajones, more huevos 

than, you know, when, when like, if police would come, they will stay quiet.

They will hold down to that street, street calls. I went from one topic to another, bro. 

But it's true 

though. 

I guess what I wanted to say is when I used to go to detox.  Um, nothing compared to the options we have now for people struggling with addiction. And  I tell these guys that I'm trying to help, you know, I was like, I wish I had the opportunity to come something to the ARC.

I've been to some messed up detox places, messed up rehabs man. And as you were saying, shout out to Mike, to, to, to Taking like the task into trying to, to divert this hotel, you know, just being outside setting like a hotel, like a suite  into a rehab, the detox here, you get your space. Like it's, it's a pretty nice, nice detox.

Yeah, for sure. Never 

had this opportunity, man. Never. Like they all were like hospital setting environment. You know? 

Yeah, for sure. 

Smell nasty. 

Yeah, no, for sure. How was it there at Compass when you first got there?  

It was rough, like, I, yeah, it was cold, it was, uh, there was a bunch of people walking around like zombies with their, with their blankets, you know, and then like,  just like shivering, or like screaming, or, you know, like. 

It was just, it was just different. But at the same time I was like  coming down from, from drugs, you know, so like I, I was kind of in like a little cloud of my own to where it didn't really hit me yet. Like  I didn't,  I didn't wake up until this last time I got sober. But at the time I, when I was younger and all those other times before that, that I thought I had, you know, woken up, um, now looking back, like I didn't really wake up.

I was still like, you know,  I could see the world, you know, I could see but I couldn't I wasn't it didn't like like hit me like yeah you know and and  the difference was that  I  You know, I found  my faith again. I found my hope again and um, it was God Honestly, it wasn't before all the other times I tried it was it wasn't ever revolved around, you know, my higher power.

It was, uh, it was, um,  around myself or around methadone or suboxone or around, you know, trying to make my family happy or, you know, trying to  I don't know. It just wasn't enough, you know. 

It wasn't like a complete surrender. Like you wanted to go just not to feel sick, but deep back in your head you still wanted to get high, right?

Yeah. 

You still wanted to get high, maybe? 

I still felt that void, that sadness, that, you know, all that, the, you know, things like grief, things like anger, things like, you know, I still felt those things and was carrying those with me even though I was, like, burying them or doing a better job of covering them up, but it wasn't until, um, this last time around that I experienced that.

You know, it just, I just kind of broke and it just kind of like,  I, I literally just broke and I, I just  gave it all, you know, I had to, um,  but yeah, it's crazy. Now I haven't even realized that until just right now talking about it, you know, that,  That realization of, like, thinking that I had then, you know, and all the other times in between that I got sober.

I really wasn't, like, awake, you know? Now I'm awake, like, now I'm wide awake, but, but, um, it's just crazy. And you see, it's, it's crazy because, you know, working here and working, you know, around people that, and even driving down the street, you know, cause it's Tucson and there's going to be people all over the place.

You see everybody is just asleep. They're asleep. Everybody's just,  they're literally dying. You know, they're either about to die or dying or asleep. Just really asleep and just 

Yeah, that's is so true. And it's, 

I had this guy taught me that he was like, those fish from that, I was like, those fish from the fish market, I was dead.

But with my eyes open, you know,  , oh man, he used to  tell. But in Spanish, you know how, how Mexican in, in the,  the rehabs over there, the is kind of  more like, um, yeah, they're more like tough love, you know, they'll tell you things how. It is, but he would tell me, like, you're just a dead man, you know, you're just, your eyes are open, you're breathing. 

Something, a lot of these things, and it's just remembering, you know, those hearings, what, what you were saying. 

I love, I love what you said as far as, you know, when you were talking about the surrendering and how you said that, up until that point, that you had only surrendered to, like, yourself, .

Can you take us to that moment when you first surrendered? Felt that God shot or when you first felt like you weren't alone for the first time Do you remember that moment? Was that like a significant part of your story? 

Yeah, it actually it is but it wasn't  it wasn't like an exact  So it's a little bit more complicated than that Like it was like little  little hints like here and there like little things that yeah Would kind of like get my attention out of my fog And, and, I'd be like, what the fuck, like, like, and I knew in my heart it was God talking to me, right?

Like, I knew in my heart it was God, like, trying to be like, hey, like, wake the fuck up, you know? Like, like,  what are you doing, you know? And then I started remembering things like my childhood and like, like good things like, you know, like, and for some reason I was always saving every single birthday card and every single from all my, you know, from, so I remember being like in my apartment,  This last apartment that I had and,  you know, when I was like in my addiction and all that, and  little things just started kind of like getting my attention and I started seeing like literally the spiritual battle between good and evil like around me like I started seeing things and I and I know a lot of people say that oh it's probably just the drugs or this or that but honestly it was to the point where I wasn't even getting high because I was so like caught up into this trying to figure out like what was right and what was wrong you know and I feel like in a way that was also God like pulling me.

out of it. Like, you know, because otherwise I would have been more focused on like the getting drugs part, you know? But, um, but it was just like, it was just a lot of little things and I'll give you some examples. So one time I got this and it happened to be Easter, right? And I didn't even realize it was Easter.

And some, I got this random text message from somebody and they were like, they said, wake up. It just, I don't even know who it was. Like, it just was like some random number. And it was like, wake up. And then, uh, I remember realizing later, like, It was on Easter, you know, and it was just weird. And then, it got me thinking, Oh, Easter, oh God, you know, oh, you know.

And then, um,  I started reading through the birthday cards that I had, and my aunt and my, my stepdad's mom, they were always really religious and really, you know, my, my, my, my tia, she's always been like, like I love her. She's always supported me and always been there and always talked to me and said, you know, God has a plan for you, God has a plan for you, like all this stuff.

You know, praying for me, praying for me. And I started reading all this stuff, and I started realizing, like,  He's been there all along, like, It's been there my whole life. Like, I just, I just didn't know. I just didn't know, and so I started, I remember, like, getting a Bible, and I started reading it, and then I felt like it was, like, talking to me, you know, and I was like, and I, and I was like,  And I remember telling God, like,  like, teach me, like, I don't know, like, I don't,  teach me what to do, like, you know, I want time to read the Bible, like, I want time to, to know, like, you, like, to know, like, you know, because I started realizing, like, wow, there's directions in here for everything, you know, like,  and, um, And so I, I walked away from that apartment and I walked away from everything.

And I remember I had, I still had like pills on me because at the time I was doing fentanyl. And I remember I just didn't even care about the pills. I just, I, I ended up losing a Like, my, leaving my purse in a parking lot at Walmart somewhere, and I was just trying to walk away from everything, and I remember I walked to like a church, and, and, but then I felt dirty, like I couldn't go in there, because it was a Catholic church.

I was baptized Catholic when I was a baby, but I, I wasn't brought up like, you know, I, I didn't do the whole catechism thing or anything, and when my mom had married my stepdad, um, he was, Christian, so I went, we went to Christian church or, and uh, I remember like just standing outside the church and feeling like I wanted to go in there, but like I couldn't, you know?

So I remember I stood outside and this like,  This gust of wind came, and I swear to you, like, it just knocked me back like this. Like, and I just went like this, and I, and I felt like something hit me, you know? And I was like,  okay, so  I'm on the right track. So, so then I ended up going to detox. The cops picked me up.

I went to, to, I could have gone back to my apartment, but I was just like, you know what, fine. Whatever, like, I'm done with that, like, I can't, I don't want to look back, like, I'm trying to, I can't, like, I, I wasn't sure what I needed to do, or how I was gonna do it, or whatever, but I was just, like, trying to follow  the opposite of what I had been doing, you know, and, and so. 

I remember I got to CBI and they weren't really taking me seriously because that was kind of like, you know, I mean, obviously I hadn't had, I was sick like for, you know, I hadn't really worried about getting high for days and so I wasn't probably  feeling good or whatever, but,  but I was just like, wanted help, you know?

I just remember like wanting help and  I remember I was like,  panicking, cause like, they didn't really seem like they wanted to help me, but then at the same time now, I'm like, well, I, understandably so, cause they're probably like, who is this chick just like, you know. So, I remember sitting in there and then this, this, this guy,  some random person was sitting in there and he goes, pray behind a closed door.

And so I remember like a light bulb went off in my head and I was like, okay, I'm going to go in the bathroom. Can I go to the bathroom? So I went in the bathroom and I shut the door and I got on my knees and I just like, I was Started crying, you know, and when I when I walked back outside that guy was gone and I I didn't I don't know what happened to that guy, but it was just weird, you know, like just weird little things like that that  Woke me up that showed me like wow This is real and this this is not a joke and like and like there's I I'm I want to be a part of the light Not the dark, you know and I and I and I and I'm I'm done with being in the dark and I'm  I have like a, like a light inside of me that even though it was just like a little spark that was left like and I just wanted to keep feeding that, you know, and, and I don't know.

It's just, it's just crazy. 

I think 

that's absolutely beautiful. They say we all have a, uh, We all have the ability to turn on a small light in the dark room.  And just the same way,  you know, going to your past, talking about, you know, the relationships and things where you were surrounded around this darkness and how more darkness comes to you as you attract it.

Like as you started listening to God's voice, more things started coming to, you know, to you as well. Like that gentleman could have been an angel for all you know, right. And, and for anybody listening, you know, if we ever get a chance to rebrand or change the name. The one of the things that I've always thought would be an amazing name for this podcast is crying out because every single story of every impactful testimony of anyone who's ever came in this place, it always starts with them crying out.

To their higher power. Like, and it says that, cry out to me. You know, I wish I knew the scripture off top. That's gonna have to be the next one that I memorized. But I think that's an extremely beautiful and a powerful part of your testimony. And I hope that whoever's listening on the other end, 'cause they say we're two or more gathered, right?

He's there with us. Yeah. I hope that whoever's listening on that other end man is, is that they felt that, you know what I'm saying? Man, that's, that's incredible. 

Just rem it's remembering  quote that I sent. We all are calling or something like that. Everyone, like, a lot of them are calling, but a few are chosen. 

And I feel like God knows who to choose because he knows that we're gonna,  like, in this case, he knew that Felicia was gonna be part of the light, part of the solution. And I felt like  there was a purpose for you, how you say, right there. And you're doing it right now, like, just working here, right? And you probably never imagined when you were actively addicted that be working in the Helping others, you know or trying to have something good But there's only power greater in the South that could do that and chooses us and thank you for sharing that 

I 

was  One of the reasons I was looking forward to coming and sharing about this is because it's, I know that not everybody's gonna agree or know what I'm talking about, and trust me, like, I felt that way myself before.

I've been to, you know, where I was like, still had doubt and like, all this stuff inside me, but, but I'm only speaking, like, my truth and  what I feel, and to be able to share it, it's,  where I can share it, you know, why not? Like I have to, you know, it's part of the process of, you know, doing what the next right thing.

So, um, I'm just grateful that it's just crazy how it happened too, because, um,  yeah, it wasn't expecting you guys to, you know, ask me that when I ran into you the day and you're like, Hey, come back. Um, but it's really cool how it worked out. And, um, I'm really, I'm really grateful that I, I can come in here and talk about this and, you know, Not get looked at like I'm crazy or like, you know,  just people understand you and you, you know, you can hopefully  reach somebody that needs to hear it or that, you know, just.

Yeah, absolutely. 

And by helping others, right, we help ourselves. And I feel like God saves us for a reason, right? He does things that no man or no evil can touch. Cause he, he gives you that power, that, that, that purpose in life to do his job. Right. So we gotta do his job, you gotta do his job, like, by being empathetic, showing love to the people suffering from addiction and all those things.

Faithful servants. 

And he's got us, right? He's going to take care of us as long as we do his work. Right. And I feel it doesn't have to be all the time about preaching  a Bible. Cause we could be somebody's Bible. We could be somebody's God without having to shove God down the throat. Right. Once you open that question and be like, what helped?

Hey, this is what helped me. This is what happened, you know? But in the meantime, like find something of your own. And that's, that's, that's the beauty about, Being just a peer support, you know, the special sauce for treatment, having that empathy and being that hope for someone. Something that I know when I'm, when I'm having a down time, when I'm feeling like, um,  down or struggling inside, in depression, because  I still do, you know? 

The, the only way to get something, and I feel like God puts it in my head or my heart, like,  forget about yourself. You shouldn't even be complaining. Go help someone, and, and they're close to my house. There's a mission, and the shelter, and I know the CEO's there, and I'm always catching myself, like, right now, lately, going to that mission, or just trying to do something for others, you know?

Trying to help and, and not concentrate, like, because he, he did already, he's Something that no human could do. No medication, no science, no counselor. He got me out of addiction. Someone that couldn't  last two hours without getting high because I would get sick, you know. And so I couldn't be complaining because he did something, a big miracle for, and what I'm listening is that he did the same thing for you, right?

And I'm glad you're helping others. I'm glad you're working here.  I can't wait. There's more to come. I know that you're gonna do big things, right? As long as you continue.  Working on yourself, right, and helping others, I think you're gonna be great. 

And I feel like, uh, the main, like, one of the things that's gonna help me do that is helping others because it helps keep me accountable because I don't want  people to  Because how you carry yourself and how you come across, people can tell, like, what you're doing, you know what I mean?

Like, if I was, like,  still doing something or, you know, people, the people around me would be able to tell. So, like It all goes into like being accountable and helping you stay accountable and then you help each other and it's like a fellowship, you know, it's like, um, it's like, uh,  I talked about it in one of the groups, uh, how  when you start hanging around like minded people and like minded,  um, individuals that want the same things that you have.

Or that you want and, and want to be better, you know, like the light people that are have light in them instead of, you know, darkness, you kind of become like a body, right? Kind of like how they say in the Bible about the body of Christ. It's not really about the building or the, the, what type of church or, or, you know, what building you're going to, to go be with God.

It's about the people. It's about. That's what  yeah, that's what I believe it means when it says that and you can have that with you know Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, like they're a body, you know, they're a community and it's just a really important part of changing because you know we have all these habits and all these things that we need to fix and change and learn and like grow and and  Honestly, I feel like that's like  probably like 40 or 50 percent  Contribution to it, you know, the rest is obviously like hope and faith and you know higher power stuff But  

you know, you know, I'm just curious to know what you think of this, you know for for  anyone else for anyone Who's out there right if you if you think of? 

A young lady like yourself at that age, you know, when you'd first entered treatment or whatever, when, when everything was  chaos in your life.  Is there any type of advice or anything that you could say to them to offer them hope when they see none?  

I would say  that  they're not alone.  You are, we are loved.

You know, we're beloved.  We're,  we,  and I know it sounds  a lot easier to say, you know, but  Truly.  If we're alive, and if we are, we have breath, and we have even the slightest, like, tiny little bit of hope,  or there's at least one person in our lives that prays for us, or that, you know, we feel comfortable talking to, it doesn't have to be our parents, it doesn't have to be, you know, a family member, it could be anybody.

A teacher, uh, uh, a friend. You know, that right there is love, you know, and, and,  as long as we have at least one little, one, one little piece of love, or one, somebody in our lives, or something that we can hold on to, you know,  just, the hope isn't lost,  so just try to hold on to that, and, and water it, and, you know, go towards that, because that's your spark, that's your light. 

That's beautiful. It's beautiful. It was powerful. Yeah, water. I like when you said water because it's a seed man As long as you nourish it, it grows, you know  

Hey Felicia, I know we jumped to the part where you say that you were getting all these signs But I feel like we left the part because I know a part where for example What happened when you went to prison like before all that because I remember I met you I mean, I saw you at the at the at the court, right?

You were about to get sentenced  , but there was a new Felicia there that was about to get sentenced. Like, it's weird because  she was like so peaceful, so  like, so calm. She knew she was gonna get sentenced to prison and I remember thinking that she was cool. She was. 

That's God. 

Yeah, she was, she was like, she was okay.

And, and her, I think your mom was there, right? Your brother and a pastor. I was advocating for her and.  If I'm not mistaken, I think the prosecutor did his job and talked poorly about you.  

I'm not surprised. Yeah, that prosecutor didn't have nothing good to say. 

Yeah, they did his job right. I remember those times, but yeah.

Um, so I,  after I went to detox, um,  through CBI and I went to a woman's rehab.  I, I mean I knew I had warrants, you know, that I had to take care of and I wasn't really particularly excited about one of them because I, when I was in my addiction I, you know, you come up with all these horrible ideas when you're an addict and, you know, one of my, Most brilliant ones at the time was, was, um, okay, well I'm just going to sell drugs, you know, to, you know, maintain my habit.

And because I knew a lot of people, you know, from all the times I moved around and like,  I could definitely get rid of them, you know what I mean? And so  one of the boyfriends that I had, he introduced me to this, It's a guy that, it's just somebody that, you know, it was just easy for me to get them. So I ended up, it was when COVID started, right?

And they closed the border and I was no longer able to, you know, receive them the way that I normally did. So I had to go down there myself and I, I ended up taking somebody that I didn't think to ask her like, Hey, do you have any warrants? You know? Cause like, I just figured it was common sense. But, um, Cause at the time I didn't have any felony, I mean I had misdemeanors and I had, you know, like,  been on unsupervised probation before, but at the time I was still,  you know, I was still clean, you know, pretty clean record.

Um, so I, I went down there and uh, it just was all bad from the, from the start, like, but to make a long story short, cause I don't want to get into that too much, but uh,  the car that we went in  ended up getting taken by,  The Mexican side, and so I ended up having to get a hotel and get a taxi and whatever and, um, meet up with,  with the guy from Mexico that I knew that he had came down from  wherever in Mexico he lived and he came down to meet me so he can, you know, I could pick up whatever.

And, um, the girl that I took with me, so she had  a certain amount and then I  We ended up just walking across the border with it, and,  uh, So she went first, because I wanted to keep an eye on her, you know?  And, uh, so this lady asks her, you know, What's your name? And she tells her, and then the lady's like, All I hear is the lady ask her, like, So do you have warrants out of Pinal, Maricopa?

Like, all these counties, dude, and I'm like, Are you kidding me right now? Like, I was like, oh my god. I was like, like, you know, now I'm thinking, well, This is just what needed to happen so I could wake the fuck up, you know, but but at the time I was like More signs everywhere  At the time I was like this You know, like I was like who does that like who who decides to go to Mexico with freaking like fucking Warrants, you know what I mean?

Like, so anyways, I was like, you gotta be kidding me. And then so the lady's like, so what are you doing here? And we had a plan, right? Like if anything were to happen, like you don't say, you know me and I don't say like, you know Like just stick to the plan, bro.  This chick like turns around and she's like pointing at me.

She's like, Well, I'm with her and I was like, oh my god, they didn't even ask me like my name or nothing. They just pulled me back into the secondary little area down there and She's like No, no, no, Nogales,  hate that place. 

And, and I was like, damn, she's going to tell him everything.  Because she started crying, dude, like crying. Like, like, she just freaked out. And I don't know why, because Because she could have literally gone away with it, because she was, she had an amount on her that she could have just kept it hidden, you know what I mean?

And I didn't, because mine was more and I, I had to have it strapped to my chest. So I had no chance, bro, like, if they, if they searched me, I was going down, you know? I was like, fuck. So, uh, but, so they had her in the back room and they are, you know, where they, you know, Check you or whatever and I just remember seeing like these these girls go in there like these female officers And they they go in there with gloves and I'm like, I'm like just thinking just stick to the plan stick to the plan You know like like remember what I told you like, you know, and uh, and so  sure enough I'm pretty sure she just got too scared and I mean understandably so, you know if you have a bunch of warrants and blah blah blah, but um But yeah, she ended up giving it to them and, uh, I think it was like eight ounces that she had and, um, She ended up giving it to them and then of course they asked her like, you know, where did you get this from blah blah blah?

Oh, well, it's her people her blah blah blah. Fuck man.  So, so yeah, so They still hadn't even asked me what my name was at this point, dude. And so I'm all thinking, should I pull the I have rights slide or should I, you know, like, should I like, I don't know, like, I don't know what to do right now. Yeah. So she was crying and crying.

And then, um,  I was just like, damn dude.  And then I, uh, the officer came and asked me to stand up against the wall and put my hair back. And I'm like, Oh, she had a told him. Cause she knew she was only when they knew where I had it, you know? And so he was trying to take pictures of like the upper half of my body.

And I was like, yep, she told him like, you know, because like, he was like, you know, I'm like, why else would he want me to like, stay on the street? And I was like,  So they took me to the, you know, to where they were going to search me or whatever. And then I was just like, yep, I'm done for dude. Like, I'm, I thought for sure I was going to like prison that day.

You know, I didn't know how it went. Like, I didn't know what the process was. And, um,  because COVID was going on, you know, the only people that were U. S. citizens were allowed to go back and forth. And that was part of the reason why I had to go down there myself. Um, but. The officer, you know, just ended up being like, okay, well, he's like, here's the paperwork, here's my card, you'll get the, the paperwork in the mail or whatever, and I was just like, I thought, I was just like, oh man, like, you know, like,  let's go, but then,  I don't know, that girl asked to go to CBI or go take, get taken somewhere, which,  yeah, but that's, that's what happened.

So then I ended up dealing with all that when I was, uh,  you know, clean and trying to get, Take care of everything. 

Everything was on a delay, huh? 

Yeah, it was all it 

was all delayed Yeah, and so two years later, so 

you got to go home that day. 

Yeah, I got to go home and uh Yeah, I was shocked, but I was like, thank you COVID  But um, yeah, so I went home and then what's crazy is  A month after that.

I got in trouble again  At the border, uh, not the border, but the checkpoint, um, I was driving somebody, uh, anyway, long story short, But, right away, because of the other charge that, you know, they saw pop up, they were like, They, they, they were like, they didn't believe me that I didn't have anything on me, like, they thought, you know, and I'm like, no, I'm serious.

I was like, you guys think I would do this again, like, like, crazy, like I did before, like I read after, you know, and I was like, no, just, Yeah, but they were just doing their job. But, uh, after that, um, when I was trying to get everything taken care of,  I was like, damn, I'm gonna probably, this is gonna suck, like, having to deal with that, you know, and, and cause I was clean, and I was doing good, and I was, you know, um, I felt like a different person, but yeah, I knew that I needed to take care of what I needed to take care of And so I just kind of gave it to God and said like look if there's something some reason why you want me to go To prison and you something you need me to see something you need me to you know Do for somebody else or I don't know just I'm willing to do it you know just I have faith like, you know, just I remember praying about it and and um Like a lot and um,  so yeah, I did I I did that and I when I was in there I tried my best to like You know, not be like everybody else and, you know, stay true to my faith and help people, uh, and, you know, just do my best to do that.

And it was really hard, but, um, if I could do it in there, you know, I think I can do it anywhere. And, um,  

yeah.  I mean, I hear what you're saying as far as your story, and I've seen with many different circumstances and situations and stuff in my life, in my family's life, where there's been a huge obstacle in the road, and because of the grace of God, they were able to get through it unscathed, you know what I'm saying?

And that's just a testament of his power right there, cause anybody else is like, What the fuck, I'm gonna go to prison, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do that. That's the only, that's the only, that's the only peace that God could give you right there to go through that, you know. 

And she was very peaceful, I remember going through, cause I was there on, um,  and she got sentenced and she was all calm,  like ready for it, huh?

Yeah.  

Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, probably were just  wanting to get it over with, huh? Yeah, 

yeah, definitely wanting to get it over with. Cuz I wanted to move on with my life, you know, like I was ready I felt like I had already moved on with my life But I still had this one thing that happened years ago that I was barely dealing with now, you know and  so 

how long did they give you think like three years or 

it was  Uh, for,  I only ended up doing like a year and a half, or a year and a half.

Oh. Yeah, cause one of the years was, ran concurrent with the two other years. Oh, 

okay. 

Yeah. 

And you got out  a year ago, or not even a year ago? 

Uh, September. 

September? 

September 20, or 19th, or something like that.  Yeah, it's 

incredible, man. And, and like, you know, speaking to you now, you know, being here doing all of these amazing things, how have the relationships in your life changed now, you know, where you're at now with your family and, and things like that?

Well, I, I actually have relationships now, you know, like, I actually genuinely have.  Good relationships now or at least working on it, you know  but I it's it's great to have you know of trust and and genuine love like, you know, and and  to just  See people not worried about you like not not like  not and and actually tell you that they're proud of you you know like  that goes a long way cuz like I I never thought like my mom would ever even like let me  have a key to her house, like, let alone help me by letting me borrow her car to get to work, you know what I mean?

Like, that, it says a lot, because she's just like, There was a time where, like, I didn't think I would,  I'd ever have that kind of trust back from her, you know?  It's really amazing. It's, it's, it's a really beautiful feeling, you know? It adds to that peace that you, 

you feel.  

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and, um,  early in recovery. 

But he, he was telling me that he struggles leaving, like, the old friends, you know? And, and leaving, like, my people, and I was like, there's more people to me. Like, when, right now, it reminds me of when you said about building relationships, I'm all like, There's other people to meet. There's a whole world out there to live, you know, where you could  make these relationships of people that we,  we don't usually hang out with.

You know what I mean? Because like, How you said right now misery loves company usually darkness hangs out with darkness, right? Like so I was sharing with him stories like new friendships that I've came to build in in recovery You know, which are pretty cool relationships and and you I like meeting people now that back in the day I wouldn't Me, like, I wouldn't find no connection with meeting with people, you know, no conversations, no nothing.

Because we were like in two different radio stations, you know what I mean? It was just two different worlds. And now like,  it's cool, like having those relationships where you could go drink coffee or have a lunch with someone and just get to chit chat and, and where's different  of something that we were used to.

So I was like, I invite you to, to just. Let go of that, you know, you gotta let go of that because you can't. And I remember I used to struggle with that too, you know, but  thankfully by the end they were all gone already. Yeah. 

Yeah. 

And I was in prison too. They never sent me for a sopa, a letter, stuff like that.

You didn't get no ramen? 

I didn't get no ramen from them or nothing. So they were all gone anyways, you know, so it was a little bit easier because  Who, who else would I hang out with? They were all gone anyways. 

I mean, 

and God works all that out, bro. All of that. 

And you feel like everything is falling apart, you know?

Everything is just falling apart. My whole world is falling apart. You know, and, and God's just working his magic and just putting everything, all the pieces into place.  You can't see it, right? When it's, when you're going through it, it just feel like  the whole world is crumbling behind you, in your eyes. 

Man, and it's amazing to see how your world has changed. I mean, everything, you know, the opposite end of the spectrum, you're doing fantastic, you know. Um, I know I had asked you, you know, to kind of just sit and think, like, what is the one thing, you know, with your testimony for anybody who's listening that you wanted to get across? 

Not to give up. 

Not to give up. 

Don't give up on yourself, you know.  There's somebody  out there somewhere that that genuinely has love and and loves you and  and There's always you know, there's people all around that are willing to help somebody that are willing to talk to you You know just to talk to you and to actually listen and actually care, you know  The best thing in life is  love, and I, I believe that God is love, like, you know, he's, that's, that's the main, that the, the, the most important of these is love, right, so.

Love 

conquers all things. 

Yes, and um, just, just know that you are loved. 

Mmm. 

The people sitting in here right now love you. 

Yes, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I, I really, to everyone here, you know, all the listeners, um, you might not get this, but you know, to both of you guys, you know, thank you so much for, for coming through.

And, and I know right now as a community here, we are going through some major changes, you know, there's a lot of different things happening. Shout out to our brother, Alan Percy. If you're listening to this episode, man, he came in a few weeks ago and he said before every major breakthrough, there was a breakdown and I can't help but feel.

With the people that are here right now, you know that God knows what he's doing and he knows who he wants. Right. And, and it just, it, it just makes me feel more confident in everything, you know, going on and, and, and your testimony. I know you're, you're a sister of God and, and you believe in him. And I got my brother right here.

So it has been a true honor to have both of you in here and to be able to have this conversation, man. Thank you guys so much for coming through. 

Yeah, no, thank you. Thank you Booda, for all that you do and having this. Podcast still moving it along and inviting people to share these stories. \

Whatever we could do to assist in  spreading this message of hope right in the community. 

Absolutely. Absolutely. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up. Give it up. Give it up to  our home girl Felicia.  Once again, man, for all of the listeners, for everyone who's out there,  We're available everywhere. You know, if you, a friend, a loved one wants to come on and share your testimony, the show notes of the episode are going to have all the links to the LinkedIn.

You can get in contact with me directly on there, you know, but just thank you guys for the continued support. You know, if you guys have any positive affirmations you want me to give to Felicia or Martine or anybody that we've had, hit me up in the email. I'll make sure that they get them. But until next time, you guys have an amazing week, much love, take care of yourselves, take care of each other and God bless.

Peace.