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The ARCast
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The ARCast
Ep.111 From Rock Bottom to Recovery: Andrew Benson's Inspiring Story
In this heartfelt episode of The ARCast, host Booda speaks with Andrew Benson, an RSS and BHT, who shares his powerful testimony of strength, hope, and inspiration. Andrew opens up about his turbulent past, from struggling with addiction at a young age to his life-altering experiences that led him to recovery. Through candid reflections and emotional moments, Andrew reveals how he transformed his life through dedication and the support of the recovery community. This episode is a compelling reminder that recovery is possible, offering hope and encouragement to listeners facing similar challenges. Join us for this inspiring journey of transformation and resilience.
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https://linktr.ee/americasrehabcampus
If you, or someone you know is in need of substance abuse treatment, please contact Americas Rehab Campus. We're available 24/7 and our phone number is 1-833-272-7342.
Ep.111 From Rock Bottom to Recovery: Andrew Benson's Inspiring Story
Good afternoon; thank you, guys, so much for tuning in to The ARCast. Remember, The ARCast is recorded live here at America's Rehab Campus in Tucson, Arizona. I'm your host, Booda. And I'm here once again with a good friend of mine. He's an RSS, BHT, doing his thing, man.
And he's blessing us today with his testimony. So, ladies and gentlemen, give it up to my homeboy, Andrew Benson. Yeah, yeah. What's going on, dawg?
Not much,
bro. You know, uh, super excited to be here. I love the whole podcast idea.
Yeah.
And any chance I get to share my story Of, uh, strength, hope, and inspiration.
And,
Yeah, let's do it.
Dude, I'm excited. I heard, I heard, uh, right now we were out there chopping it up with the IOP fam over there. And they were giving you some nicknames, man. They called you Lil Sushi, right? So we gotta talk about how you got that name. And then they called you Westside Andy, so I had to give you this.
Yeah. That's for you, bro. I've had that one on there since fuckin Nate came on.
Yeah. Yo, that's a classic right there.
So yeah, man, no, thank you so much for coming through, bro, and blessing us, man. And, uh, it's, it's crazy. There are a lot of changes and things happening, man. But the fact that you're even through all the chaos and the stress, you're still able to come through and do this, man.
It says a lot about your character, and I just hope and pray that Whoever's on the other side of this microphone listening to your story gets something out of it.
Yeah. Yeah, me too. Man, I'm really excited. You know, I could definitely say that these characteristics I've built in and the characters that I have grown into today are not once what I always had. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah
This is definitely an ongoing
Process.
Man, that's so interesting. How much, how much, uh, how much time you got so far, Sober Brother?
So, I'll be coming up on, uh, 19 months clean.
19 months clean. Congratulations. Congratulations, man. That's a beautiful thing. And, you know, when it comes to the ARCast, brother, that's really what we do here: we bring people in.
We start from the beginning. That's the key thing. We start from the beginning because in hopes that whoever's listening can find something they can relate to in your story. Yeah. So, Andrew, take us back to the beginning, brother. Where are you from? Where were you born?
So, I was, uh, born and raised in Tucson, Arizona.
Okay.
I never met my biological dad.
Uh-huh.
Never even seen a picture. If he walked by me I probably wouldn't even know it.
Even to this day?
Even to this day. So I definitely had a lot of abandonment right from the the jump, you know what I mean? And uh, of course, I have a beautiful mother that definitely did the best she could at like eight or nine months years old. My mom started dating this guy named Russell, that would be known to me as to be my father. You know, he's he's the only one that I knew as a father figure, unfortunately, When I was 13 years old, he passed away at Tanque Verde Falls.
They were all drinking up their partying. So, that definitely hit me like a ton of bricks for sure. And was definitely the starting process of not knowing how to properly grieve at 13. A lot of, uh, You know, my mom, you know, of course, I love her to death, but she was going through her own shit.
So by the age of 13, I, uh, I started smoking weed, started drinking, and Even at the young age of 13, you know, the, the added behaviors were there. By 14, I was already smoking meth. You know what I mean? By, uh, 16, you know, I started doing opiates and hadn't done, got too much into heroin, just, you know, oxycodone started, uh, by young age, I, you know, it's kind of crazy because a lot of people, they want to be like doctors and lawyers when they grow up.
For me, it was I want to be a drug dealer.
No shit.
I want to be a drug dealer. I hung out with a lot of older cats at a young age that sold a lot of dope, a lot of drugs.
Watched a lot of the movies, influenced by all that shit.
Yeah, movies. And I was always that young kid that could hang with the older crowd, I felt like.
. So, they were very welcoming. You know what I mean? I was definitely, you know, in mature in some areas, but yeah, no, I seen older cats selling drugs, the cars and money, you know, that whole story. And, uh, that's what I, uh, aspired to be at by the age of 16. It was like, okay. And, you know, drugs and alcoholwas always my identity, essentially.
Uh, from a young age, I was always known as like the guy, oh, yeah. You know, hit up Andy. He could get drugs, you know that. Oh, that's the man right there. So it gave me. A sense of, uh, validation in my life.
And of course it's in like the wrong area, it's in the darkness, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm so curious to know, dawg, you know, going back a little bit to what you said about with your dad, starting with your dad, what was the idea of what happened with your father?
Like how come he was never involved? Was it just like one of those situations, like a one-night stand type of a thing?
Yeah, you know, uh. He had, you know, uh, from what I've heard, you know what I mean? Cause I've never met him. Uh, he had done this with, uh, quite a few females, got them knocked up, and just, oh, that's not my kid, you know?
And, uh, it's kind of funny, you know, uh, I actually got added on Facebook. This was probably like, I don't know, eight or nine years ago by, uh, another dude; he was like, oh yeah, we have the same biological dad. Da da da da da. He's like. And he hadn't been a part of his life either, of course at the time I was in active addiction, so, and he, he was a little bit younger than me, but uh, yeah, no, I know that was a topic theme.
And yeah, yeah, no, it definitely hurt me. I maybe I didn't acknowledge it, you know for a long time, but uh, yeah, I didn't have any Real father figures in my life, you know, and then my mom got in a really bad relationship You know what? I mean? probably about a year and a half after, you know, the guy that I had called my dad had passed away, and superphysical violence Cops getting called, you know, uh, very influenced with me selling drugs, you know, uh,
he kind of enabled it,
enabled it, you know, uh, and not a lot of people know this.
Like, there was even like a small little time, like was pushing me into like prostituting girls out at my school.
No shit, man. Wow.
And I did that for a little while, but I had such a heavy heart that I got. Eventually, I couldn't do it anymore. So that's kind of the lifestyle that I was around, you know? And even so, like my whole life, I've always, drugs and alcohol has just been the
Norm.
Was there a addiction in your family, like, uh, that you saw growing up, like with your mom and stuff?
So the person that I had called my dad, you know, they, they stuck around me as family. You know what I mean? But they're heavy partiers. You know what I mean? , you know, drugs and alcohol very prevalent around, and then on my mom's side of the family. It's kind of the opposite table.
So, I kind of got the best of both worlds with my mom's family. Like my grandpa's like a mathematician for National Security works near Washington DC My uncle's on that side are like computer tech like geniuses
human calculators
Yeah, yeah, so no real I can't I can never relate to them You know what?
I mean? I didn't really see my mom's side of the family as much Yeah, so I definitely stayed in touch with What I call my dad's side of the family.. You know what I mean, for a long time, but yeah, even growing up, I, drugs, alcohol, partying. That's just life. Everybody does this. You know, domestic violence within the home.
Oh, that's normal. By the age of 17, I, uh, I finally moved out. I was like, you know, uh, of course I was scared of my mom's boyfriend. That was physically violent, so I never really did anything, and then I think the one time that I did, my mom went in defense for him.
Man, that's rough, Dude.
And it, it, it fucked me up.
You know what I mean? It, uh, it really screwed me up, so I was like, I told my mom, like, I'm moving out, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like 17, I got my own place, I had a job at Fry's, was selling drugs.
At Fry's?
No. .
I was selling drugs at Fry's.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, I, um, as
Far as like schooling goes, 'cause you said that you moved out at 17, were you still in school?
So, as far as high, yeah. I was still in high school. It was my senior year in high school.
Man. Um, out on your own already,
yo, ready to take on the world.
Yeah.
You know what I mean? Just with a distorted way of thinking about it, you know what I mean? So yeah. I got my own place. Had a job. I barely skimmed by.
Graduated high school. I ended up losing my job at Fry's. But, I really didn't care about that, you know. Uh, at this time, I was a, I was a pretty prevalent drug dealer. And, yeah. I was, Yeah, and that mindset of continuous growth on how I could be the best drug
dealer I could be.
As you continued and progressed in your addiction and started getting into heavier things, was there a dynamic, like a shift in the relationship with your mom and stuff?
Or was that always kind of like rocky from that moment on? Like you guys were all experiencing that abuse from that gentleman.
Yeah, so they stayed together for quite a while after. . It was probably Yeah, yeah, no, they stayed probably until I was around, I want to say like, 20, until I was like almost 27.
Until he almost ended up killing her. Finally, like, woke her up. . You know what I mean? Thankfully.
So scary.
And so like, as much as my mom loved me at the time, at least in this time period of our lives, it was uh, She was in a toxic relationship and had a lot of Issues of her own to deal with. Yeah. So we had a relationship of course, but it was, uh, it was definitely a distant one.
Yeah.
Yeah. You know, 17 years old, ready to conquer the world, bro. You got an, uh, you got your own little spot, you know, you're getting ready to graduate. I know you say you lost your job, you know, and that it didn't really affect you, but where, you know, you were selling drugs on the side, so you obviously had money to pay for rent, if you did, right?
Yeah.
When, when did the drug use and all of the stuff that you were, like, experimenting with, when did it start becoming Like a real problem for you. Will you remember it taking control of your life?
So yeah, no, that's a good question. Um, of course, uh, you know, it had taken over my life by probably just 16 where I was in heavy active addiction.
But you know and I know I'll go to this story, you know that uh I laugh at today. I was, uh, 19, 20. I had been arrested for, uh, some theft charges and, uh, got sent to rehab by the PO. And I remember there, they had a meeting there while I was there. And after the meeting, this is, this gentleman goes, you know, we're talking in and I'm just like, yeah, you know, I don't want to, I don't, I don't want to get clean.
There's no point. You know, I remember sitting in the meeting and being like, These guys just don't know how to use drugs successfully, bro. . You know what I mean? They just don't know how to use drugs. Like, and I remember talking to the guy and like just telling him everything that was going on with me and he, you know, uh, and he could tell I was in heavy denial.
And he goes, Hmm. Well how, how long do you think that's gonna last, bro? And I'm thinking in my head at the time, I'm like, I got heroin on me right now. And I'm about to go smoking in the bathroom and I'm manipulating the drops here. And my PO, I'm like, uh, yeah, I think it's going to last a while, bro. I think I'm good.
Like, sorry that you don't know how to use drugs. You know what I mean? Homeless, all that, like, not me, bro. I'm special, you know? . So as a, Yeah, no, as uh, the time started, uh, you know, turning, uh, I started making a lot of money, you know what I mean? Uh, more than I could ever handle, you know, got a lot of gambling addictions, you know, started getting into all these toxic relationships and I, I, I maintained that for a long time.
I did. But at some point, even with being on probation, I remember going to like, just, the extent that I would go for my drugs was Epic. I mean, I did some Yeah. Outlandish shit. I remember, one time I was on probation, another time, and uh, I'm taking all these drugs. And I went in, had fabricated a fake Walgreens history report.
of you know, uh, Adderall and Oxycodone and Morphine and Xanax and all these things so I could still use some drugs while I was on probation because this time I had a strict PO.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, that's crazy.
And I remember handing it to her.
Oh,
they prescribed you heroin? Yeah. The fuck?
I've never
seen that
before.
Yeah, yeah, no, it's a special order. Yeah. Yeah.
That's crazy, Dude. And, and you were successful with that, huh?
For a little bit?
Yeah, no, I You know, that's the thing, uh, I've been on probation numerous times and there's always some way that I could sneak around or manipulate, you know, uh, find some loophole
to still use.
Isn't it crazy like when you really think about it, especially now being on the other side. If you were to, if you were to put that energy into anything positive, bro, you, we were just talking before the podcast, like you're getting ready to go to Pima today to go get ready for it, to get your education.
Like you imagine, bro, just putting in 5 percent of that energy that you would do to go get a, you know, whatever, bro.
It'd be a game-changer. And like, honestly, I strive to do that and I have been doing it pretty well since then and my life is just Yeah, no, it's a night and day the energy that I put towards my recovery.
Is uh, Yeah, because I'm just uh, I'm in a very extreme person in a sense and I think a lot of addicts are It's like
And you're
so, you're so calm too. Like, it's not, it's an unassuming, like, it's crazy.
Yeah. Yeah, no, it's, uh, I'm a very, uh, uh, calm person at times. And then, like, but when I want to do something, I, uh,
I'm all in.
I feel you bro. And hey, and my bad, I didn't even offer you water. Would you like a bottle of water homie?
Yeah, yeah,
I got you. You guys hold on one second. Let me get this one my Dude. My bad. I'm over here I normally have them. Yeah, I mean get this headphones back on I think about that. I mean, it's really just a change.
It's a shift in In energy, right? It's like, it's like a tide in the ocean, bro. It's going this way. If you could just find a way to shift that energy into going into a different direction, it would be so much more beneficial for your overall well being and mental health and everything.
Yeah, yeah, no, it definitely would.
It's insane. To think about also the amount of pain that I could, uh, go through and not be done, you know what I mean?
Not only that, but it's like, it's like in your story from what I hear, you are a fucking hard head, bro. Like, you know, a lot of us are, right?
Yeah, yeah.
You know, you're a hard head, but I mean, you're sitting there, and I have those moments too in my life where I said some shit as a young, a young man that's overconfident, over, like, zealous, like, Arrogant shit and then just to think like that OG is sitting there Looking at you like how long is this gonna go on for bro?
You think you're gonna be good for life? Yeah, you know You know what I'm saying?
Yo, The ego is out of control, bro, like
man
my ego was uh Oh, it was just on a whole nother level. . You know what I mean? Like, uh,
And, and the money, all that was coming from drugs and just selling and lifestyle.
Yeah. So just selling drugs, man, I, uh, I had a lot of money income for a long time.
I eventually ended up getting into a, uh, a relationship, a really toxic relationship. Um, you know, I thought, uh, You know, Oh, maybe this female will, uh, help change my life. And when it came to drugs, you know, the thing, the, the reality of the situation is it's like, nah, well, drugs first, uh, everything else second.
Probably
drug you
into hell,
bro.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, damn. I mean, it's crazy. Cause it's like, I, I, I am, you know, I'm a faithful person. I know a lot of people don't believe or whatever, but whether you believe in energies or God or whatever it may be, right, it always seems that when you're doing Amazing.
Other amazing things are attracted to you. And it's like, it kind of pushes out into your life and to everything. But it's also the opposite of that spectrum too, is when you're living in this darkness, you start attracting a lot of dark shit around you too. So it's like, You know, it's just always funny. I feel like in most testimonies, that's how it is.
A relationship is just, that's what it takes to just take you down another notch. Like, you're already fucked up as it was on your own. Now here, let's throw this person in here that's going to distract you and just pull you down even harder.
Yeah, yeah, no, and uh, Yeah, you know, you're totally right on that.
And, uh, I definitely needed it though. You know what I mean? I definitely needed this toxic relationship to, uh, bring me down more. I started getting, my grandpa owns a few houses in here in Tucson. And, uh, I, he would let me live there because of my record. Well, eventually I started getting evicted from all his places from selling drugs.
. Uh, the girl that I was with. Had hooked up with one of my best friends of 20 years, you know, and that was like a Super throat punch, you know what I mean? It was uh, my ego was so high I I think I was more mad that like, you know, I I at the time I looked at it like Really you hooked up with him? Like I was so much better than him, you know what I mean?
, and uh, So it definitely hit my ego hard I Ended up, you know, leaving that relationship. I ended up getting evicted out of my house. Uh, I had a pit bull for 18 years. She had just passed away.
18 years,
18 years.
Fantastic age, bro. Like amazing,
dude. She was like. The perfect dog, you know what I mean?
And she was, she was my world too, you know what I mean? So like, I lost her Dude, got evicted out of my house. I, you know, broke up out of this toxic relationship that I had been in for a few years.
Lost a friendship on top of that shit.
Yeah, lost a, a close friend, you know what I mean? Of over 20 years. And, uh, I, so once I got evicted, you know, I slept on a lot of couches, you know, of course I'm tweaked out, can't trust anybody, you know, are people stealing my money, this.
So I ended up eventually living in my car.
No shit.
Yeah. I ended up living in my car. Well, eventually multiple DUIs, you know what I mean? And from being falling asleep at lights and crashing into shit and, uh. Eventually, I lost my car.
Wow, man.
And, so, now, you know, I lost my car, I don't, you know, It's hard to maintain selling drugs, so, I decided, you know, Let me go down on a different criminal career path.
Yeah.
I'm
gonna try another fucking
enterprise.
Yeah.
Oh, shit, dude.
You think that, like, that would have been a turning point for me at that moment to be like, Okay, let me, let me get my life together. It was, no, okay, what other good criminal things am I good at? You know, that's what it came down to, the insanity, man.
So now I'm homeless. I don't have a car, you know, and, uh,
You're an
opiate addict. Op Heroin and shit, right?
Yeah, I
was on fentanyl, . Meth, and Xanax. Heavy addiction, you know what I mean?
Bro,
was there ever, not to cut you off, I'm just curious man, cause I know like, a lot of people will say like, you know, oh I smoke weed, or I've, I've, I've done coke, but I would never do anything else, I would never do anything else.
Like, when you were using the opiates and shit, like the prescriptions or whatever it was, was there ever a drug that you were afraid of? Like, especially with the fentanyl shit, or were you not aware of how dangerous it was when you started it?
So, I really wasn't, bro. Like, I always, like, for a long time, I tried to be like a cautious drug user.
. You know what I mean, but I wasn't and it, the only thing that I, I really can say that I never did was I was never an IV user. . The girl that I was with was an IV user.
Was it close? Did you ever get close to wanting to do it?
I almost did, you know what I mean? Like, I'm so grateful that I didn't and, and you know, I sold to a lot of IV users, you know, a lot of guys and girls that had HIV and AIDS, you know, and I remember my aunt growing up being an IV user and seeing the results and being around that, that like, I never was attracted to needles.
I, and I've always hated needles.
You know what I mean? So
I
noticed you don't got no tattoos or nothing.
Yeah. Yeah,
I do have a few tattoos, But like, yeah, like a needle going into me, bro.
Yeah, scary, Dude.
I just don't like it. I never have
crazy, man. Well, thank God that never happened, man. Yeah, I'm sure it was close.
You know, I'm saying
yeah Yeah, I
know, but who's to say, you know It's funny when I, when I remember when I met up with my sponsor one time, I'm like, telling him everything about me, and I go, Yeah, you know, uh, I've never, I've never murdered someone, and I've never sold my body for drugs. And he goes, he's like, you're missing something, and I'm like, what the hell are you talking about?
And he's like, yet. He's like, yeah, I've not done those things yet. You know what I mean? And it really hit home because there's a lot of things that I didn't think I was going to do in active addiction that eventually I crossed that line.
That's crazy, huh? That's that's, that's so nuts, Dude. Uh, we had, uh, we had a homeboy in here.
Shout out to Luis Gaxiola with hope. He came in here and he was talking about the same things. Like I never, I never wanted to do, uh, IV use never, ever, ever. And he said that his dealer that he was living with that he had told him like yo man, you know, I You know, he only had the the shit for the IV use right and the Dude was like, well if you want it You're gonna have to use it this way or just fucking cut it out cold turkey or whatever So he said he went like 70 not even know maybe I'm over he said he went like maybe 15 16 hours Without using and he was trying bro, and that it just got too hard
eventually.
Yeah
Yeah, like they would. He was just like he couldn't find it anywhere, and he knew that he had it Then he's just like knocked on his door. Hey, homie, hook me up doc. I can't do this shit. No more. It's fucking scary, bro
Yeah, yeah, No, it is, and it's, You know, that's a very common theme in the drug world is that like, and I, I've been around that a lot where it's like, people are like, Oh, well, I only have a needle.
You know what I mean? And it's like, well, you know, if I got to get high. You know, like to be real with you, if I, if like I had went and got drugs and I didn't have other ways to get high, you know, I would, I would have crossed the line.
I
know, man. And then, you know, it gets even darker than that where it's like, Hey, I only have one needle.
,
that's fucking scary, bro. Oh, man. It gives me the chills thinking about how That darkness just slowly creeps in, Dude and it just starts covering all of the light like it like, metaphorically speaking, But every everything that you illuminate and all the peace and the love like how we are naturally like that shit just comes into our Body and fucks everything up
everything and it's like Dude.
I I've uh, I've seen some very dark thing I've seen dudes at HIV Going and passing needles to girls With no care in the world, not telling them nothing. I've also seen it where they know they have HIV, and they still don't care. Like, I need to get high. You know what I mean? So it's like,
Oh man, that's
crazy.
So, so you, you're homeless at this point, bro. You got your car taken from you. And, you know, where do you go? What do you do, bro? Like,
what do you do?
So, yeah, no, this is definitely a wild, uh, uh, point in my life right here. This is where the I don't give a fuck attitude came in. And whatever I have to do to get my drugs, you know, I will do.
So, I'm homeless. One thing that I was always good at, the other criminal, uh, Path that I ended up taking was, uh, robbing stores.
I was, uh, ruthless. I was You know, I thrived myself on being the guy that like, oh, Andy's got no fear, you know what I mean? He'll do it. Nobody else will like he'll jump behind the counter, you know what I mean?
Like gunpoint, like straight up. Give me all your
so I never I never pulled a gun on anybody normally I would just do it with, you know, my body language and words of advice because I knew I could always get away with it like that. . I have been shot at though.
No shit, that's crazy.
Yeah, it was like probably like a 70, 80 year old woman and uh, I had hopped the counter behind Circle K and she's like, Next time you come in here I'm gonna shoot you and I'm like, Okay, and I like run out the store with two big black trash bags like cigarettes and all kinds of shit and, uh, All of a sudden she pulls out this revolver, sir, and starts shooting at me and the bag rips and the cigarettes go everywhere.
. You know what I mean? It was just, uh, yeah, no, I've definitely had some wild experiences. So, I started stealing from stores heavily. In order to support my drug addiction, you know what I mean? Started racking up all kinds of organized retail theft charges, you know, I, I thought I was, uh, you know, here's this ego again.
I, I thought I was just like, this mastermind and everybody always built me up to be this mastermind too, you know what I mean? So it was like, it was like, okay, uh, you know, Andy will wear a wig and a suit and he'll go in there and he'll like, whatever it takes, like. Like I had disguises, I got
Richard Nixon mask and shit.
That's crazy. So damn, man, you were just in
it deep.
Yeah, yeah, no, it was a It was a dark point in my life for sure. I remember uh, sleeping at the park one day and uh, my mom came and found me, you know, cause she hadn't heard from me forever, she knew I was on the street and uh, I remember her uh crying to me like to go into rehab and it was just like Dude, what are you doing here?
Like, I'm too far gone at this point. Like, you're like, very heartless. Like, pretty much like you're wasting your time. I don't know what you're doing here. There's no, this is my life. I just radically accepted that like, okay, uh, being homeless is now my life. I don't know how I got here. I remember sitting there being like, from, you know, living in these houses, having all this money and all this stuff, and then that Dude's, you know, at the rehab when I was like 19, 20, his voice came in my head too.
It was like, how long do you think this is going to last? And it was like,
that seed, uh, just,
yo, yeah, he planted that seed dude. And, uh, What
happened during that time that your mom decided to look for you? Was it just the fact that you were on the streets, or was there a situation where she just kind of had a moment of clarity?
So, I had, uh, been arrested numerous times for organized retail theft, and uh; the jails were super packed at the time, and uh, I kept getting pre-trialed. You know, and uh, I'd get pre trialed, wouldn't check in, and I'd still, you know what I mean? Like, and I'm robbing the stores, like, numerous times a day for thousands and thousands of dollars.
So like, of course, eventually, like, you know.
Is this during COVID and shit?
Uh, yeah, yeah, a lot during COVID. Um, a lot like at the end of COVID, you know what I mean? And, uh, I just didn't care, Dude. Like, uh, my main goal was just to get as much money as I could for my drugs at the time. Well, I ended up getting all these organized retail theft charges.
I think like... The third time, I finally got pre-trialed. I'm like calling my mom. I'm like, hey, you know, can you give me a ride? Or I can't even remember what I asked her, and she's just like, yeah, you know, Yeah, I'll be right there. And I think I ended up leaving with some other homeless dude.
I was like, you know, I mean like Like, I can't, I can't wait for my mom to get here. Plus I don't want to See her right now, anyways, in the shape that I'm in. So then she ended up just like, looking for me on the street cause she hadn't, like, talked to me for, like, months after that, you know, and she was worried.
And then she, like, I don't even know how she found me, bro. My mom's a very, uh, uh, uh, persistent woman. So, she found me. I remember
Yeah, don't mess with a mom, bro.
Yo, yo, it's no joke.
Man, that's real.
Yeah, yeah, it's no joke. And so I eventually was like, okay, I'll go to rehab. You know what I mean? Uh, I'm like, at least I get some cigarettes and some food, you know what I mean?
So I went to this rehab, and uh, I stayed for three days.
Hell yeah.
Yeah,
I stayed for three days.
You made it bro, you
made it.
Man, that's crazy.
I remember like being there and this Dude's like, Oh, you shouldn't leave. And it was just like, I hadn't experienced enough pain yet. For me to want to change. I'm on pretrial, you know what I mean?
I'm like, uh, I try to make the decision for someone else.
.
And so I leave, eventually get arrested again. And, uh, so the last night that I got arrested, I was over on like Wetmore area, you know, near that bus station at the Walmart right there. And I remember this is where I had my spiritual awakening, and this is where the curve started to change for me.
I, I remember sitting there, Dude. And, uh, normally there's a bunch of homeless people over there, but not this night, you know, and, uh, it was just me, you know, and I'm sitting there and it's like, Awkward silence, Dude. Like, like you could hear a pin drop. And I remember just like, I don't know where it came from.
I just started breaking down, Dude, for the first time ever. I was just like, nobody was around me. I had nothing. I had no one. My life had literally just gone to shit. And, uh, I remember praying out to God and, and I really didn't know who I was praying for.
Oh man, I love this part of the story, dawg.
Yeah,
this is where the beauty comes in.
You know what I mean? This is, uh, my favorite part of the story. You know what I mean? So this is where the curve starts to come in. And so I, I pray and I'm like, God, you know, uh, I know it's been a while. Uh, I can't get clean on my own. The obsession and compulsion to, to do it myself is just, it's too heavy on me.
And I've never, ever been the guy to walk into a detox. That's not me. If I ever walked into rehab, I was usually on methadone and Xanax, still getting some high, but so I wasn't necessarily even sure I was like, or I just wanted something different. Like, I've had enough. I'm finally, like, had enough, but I can't get clean on my own.
So the emotions start floating out, you know, crying. It's like 5 in the morning at this time, and so 7 o'clock, you know, comes around 7 in the morning, and, uh, although I did have that, you know, breakdown, I'm still an active addiction. I go into Walmart, you know, at seven o'clock there's a sheriff usually outside of that Walmart too, at eight 30.
So, of course, you know me thinking I'm smarter than everybody. Like, oh, you know, sheriff's not gonna be there this early. I know when he comes. So I go in there and I'm loading up my cart because I need to get my drugs for the day so I could do anything. And I see a sheriff at the corner of my eye go down the aisle.
So, I ditched the cart, everything in the cart, okay, and I walk out of the store, you know, I'm thinking I'm good, like, even if there's a sheriff here, they gotta have probable cause, well, and this is hilarious, it's, so I walk out of the store, okay, and I had a Dr. Pepper in my hand, that I was drinking, that I stole in the store, that I didn't even realize, so, because of this Dr.
Pepper, The sheriff had probable cause to hold me. And then, of course, he ran my name, seeing I had multiple warrants for organized retail theft. So he throws me in the back of the cop car. And, uh, I just knew this time I'm like, I've been pretrialed, you know, four times. Yeah, yeah. Done. Done. You know what I mean?
So accurate. Yeah.
Four times.
Yeah, four times I'd been pre-trialed, Dude. I don't even know, like, how I got that lucky in a sense, you know what I mean? Or what I thought was lucky at the time. But this time, I knew. You know what I mean? I'm like, no, I'm not getting out. You know what I mean? And so, uh, you know, the, the hell begin, you know, I'm withdrawing from all these things And uh, going to jail and it's like, no, I know I'm not getting out and of course I didn't, you know And uh, you ever seen the movie, uh, One Flew Over Cuckoo's Nest?
Yes, not in its entirety, but I've seen like the first like more of it.
That was me. Yo, just out of it, Dude, like completely just like don't even know what's going on. Shitting myself, throwing up, shakes.
You've never, up to that point, you had never gone without, like really, you've never really gone.
Maybe you've gone a few hours or a day or something, but you had never really gone that long without drugs.
Not since I was, I had made an attempt when I was like 19 and I had lasted like maybe six weeks, but no, I didn't, I didn't go through withdrawals. I always had my dope always like, and that's why I always thought I was smarter and better than other people in addiction.
I'm like, like, I like, for example, too, like I was on methadone for eight years. For the simple fact that it was like I was unwilling to go through withdrawal. I was like, no, I'm just smarter than you, bro. That's it. Like,
but also too, you got to keep in mind. I mean, at 19, right. I mean, you may have fucked up the receptors in your brain.
Right. But, but in comparison, like when you're 19, your body still regenerates. It still grows. It still gets better. At 20 something, not only are your, the neurological pathways, they've been affected more because of the longterm effects from the drug use, but also You're in a darker hole, too, because now you're fucking with fentanyl.
Yeah.
And now you're messing with all this other stuff, so it's like, it was probably not even in comparison to, like, that six weeks that you had at night.
Not even close, bro.
That's crazy.
Uh, not even close. I'm 31 at this age now, now that I'm in jail. And, you know, the Xanax and the meth and the fentanyl and just the, the long period of just, Every single day for like, I, you know, most people talk about struggling getting through a day without drugs, Dude.
I struggle getting through a minute without drugs. Like that's how hard the obsession, I remember I'd be in the shower, Dude, like washing my hair and like panicking where my drugs were. And it's like, Bro, wash the soap out of your hair now that I could like to reflect on it. Like, I couldn't do anything.
Man, Dude, that's
Yeah.
So, after that, you know, of those moments where you were throwing up, man, were you already pretty determined? Like you wanted to change your life at this point because you said you had had that crying out to God, you didn't even know really what it was. But was there like a, like a divine peace or something that you felt in your heart like everything was going to be okay?
Even though, like, from that moment? You know what I'm saying? Where you said that you, you cried out to the moment where you got arrested and you were in that cell, like what was going through your head, man?
So it's kind of funny how God works in mysterious ways, bro. So I have another friend that, so I walk it in after I, uh, cause you have to go through a period of, you know, with the COVID thing. I was in that for like three weeks, still dope sick as fuck. Now I go into a pod though. You know what I mean? And once I get into a pod, who do I see there? But this, my childhood best friend, like, like the Dude that like grew up down the street from me, like we stayed friends through it all for the last like 23 years, right across from my cell.
You know what I mean? And it was such a relief and it was so crazy that out of the whole jail, he'd be put right there and I'm super blessed for that because we would just talk for hours, you know what I mean? Uh, months we're in there. And, uh, I remember just us talking every day, like, man, this has played out.
This life is it's played out, bro. It's like, you know, maybe it was fun at one time, you know, that, that time passed a long time ago. And. How we wanted something different for our life. And, uh, you know, I only had a prison plea on the table and this is another like blessing from God, like, so sentencing comes up, you know, and, uh, or no, it wasn't sentencing yet.
I take that back. It wasn't sentencing yet. It was just like a preliminary type thing. And we go in front of the judge and, uh, you know, uh, I'm locked out with like six other dudes and, uh, I'm the first one in the, you know, I asked my, my public defender to ask for a pre trial so I could go into rehab. Well, The state makes a recommendation and they're like, no, absolutely not.
We are not pre-trialing this guy. Are you crazy? Pretty much. You know what I mean? And I didn't blame them. I didn't think they were gonna go for it. I was like, well, it was worth a shot, thinking in my head. Dude, I don't know what happened. I spoke from the heart to the judge. I was like, look, I know my track history.
I know what it shows. If you give me this opportunity and a chance to go to rehab, to try to get some coping skills in my life, then You know, I'm going to take it like I can't do this anymore. And he's like, he looks at me and he goes, all right, here's the deal. I'm a pretrial use this last time. If you mess up, you're going to prison.
He's like, he's like, and I'm not going to give you the minimum straight up. I hadn't been sent in shit. You know what I mean? So I'm still in pretrial. So I get pretrialed out. And I remember even before I walked out of the door, I was getting tested. I grabbed my shoes and my clothes to get out of jail.
I grabbed my shoes and there's pills in there. I'm like,
But my initial reaction was actually different. This time, I grabbed the pills. I walked it up to the CO and I was like, yo, we throw this away. And he's like, Oh, are you sure you don't want to keep that joke? You know, joking around and I'm like, man, screw you, bro.
No. So I made a good move. Cause it could end it up before I even walked out of the door in jail! I get out. My mom picks me up, you know, it's like 10 o'clock at night, wake up in the morning. I get into the ARC, so. Man. Yeah, you know, and by the time I got to the ARC, Yo, you know, I remember there was a lot of, like, other of my peers that were just, like, complaining or whatever.
Dude, I was so grateful, because it was like, I've been eating bologna sandwiches for the last however many months, and it was like, Dude, this is like luxury right here.
Not, not hating on bologna sandwiches. That's just fire too.
But just not every day.
Yeah.
Well, and not when they're green bologna sandwiches, you know what I mean?
Vegan
bro, you're trying to be healthy.
Oh God. Yeah, I remember the first day I got here, and they had the lunch, and I was just like,
Man,
shout out to Mike, man.
Yeah, yeah. For real. So the ARC did a lot for me, you know what I mean? And, uh, I did residential. I knew I still needed more. So I continued IOP.
I completed successfully, you know what I mean? And I gained a lot of tools, you know, from the ARC and I'm so grateful and valuable for the ARC for what they did to me. Cause it started my journey. You know what I mean? But if I'm just keeping it 100 percent honest, when I got out of IOP, You know what I mean?
Two or three days out of IOP. Yo, I felt like I was screwed. I was like, you know, and I take it as an analogy of like, so I had learned all these tools through the ARC, you know what I mean? And coping skills and whatnot. But for me, like, I didn't know how to apply, apply any of them to my life. You know what I mean?
I didn't know how to actually use any of the tools. And I didn't have people around me to hold me accountable to use these tools.
You know what I mean? So, I'm two, three days out. You know, now I'm in the real world. Don't really know what I'm gonna do. I, uh, get out and I hit up someone else that graduated in the IOP with me.
And I'm like, hey bro, you wanna go hit a meeting? And he's like, yeah, sure. Why not? You know, we go to this meeting and uh, it's funny because the front door is actually the back door and you can't enter through it. Well, I'd never been to a meeting. I freaking go to the meeting. I'm banging on the door because I can't get in.
My buddy with me is like, Oh no, bro. No one's here. Like, let's just go. And I'm like, bro, I'm getting in that meeting. Like, I'm getting in there. I see, I'm looking through the crack of the door. I'm like, I can see people in there. There's people in there. I'm getting in this meeting, bro. Like, I, like, still need more help.
And I don't have anybody. I don't, you know, I really don't have any family. I have my mom, but like, she has her own life. The only people I know are in active addiction. And, You know, I have a few friends that I got out of IOP with here, but they're all fresh in recovery, too.
Yeah. Mm hmm.
So, I got into the meeting, and uh, I can't lie, at first it was like, You know, there's some cute girls here, like, cool, like, you know what I mean?
Like, it's better than this. Maybe something I'll learn here. I don't know why people come to meetings. I remember, uh, Luis and Don. They're such a huge part of my recovery because I remember seeing them run classes here and seeing them have something that I wanted. You know what I mean? It was like, okay.
And these two dudes are always talking about meetings. Yep. Always talking about sponsor and I'm like, Hmm. Okay. So they had popped in my mind. You know what I mean? And, uh, I started, uh, going to meetings consistently, Dude. And, uh, found a sponsor. The first one was not the right one for me. You know what I mean?
Uh, I remember sitting down with him and us talking and you know, all process of steps and opening up about dark secrets and stuff. And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking like, okay, well I know what I'm not telling you. Like right off the bat, like, you know, I, I, I really didn't have any trust in this guy.
Yeah. Yeah.
I, You know, I kept hitting meetings. I knew I needed a new sponsor. I knew that after one of the meetings, one of the guys brings me out to eat. I start eating with these dudes. And, uh, there's this guy that has a lot of like the way he holds themselves. I really valued, you know what I mean? I'm like, okay, I'm gonna ask this Dude.
And my fear almost took over in that sense of like, Oh, no, no, he probably, he's probably not going to sponsor anybody. And it was like, bro, what do you get to lose? You don't have anything, Dude, like Like, yeah, let's uh, let's cut that short, bro, because he says yes, he says no. He ended up saying yes.
That's cool, man.
Yeah, so, super blessing. I needed that.
How long has he been your sponsor now?
Uh,
for Just over a year.
Just over a year, man. And ever since then, so that initial meeting of going in there and getting involved with the community, once you realized what it was, you got over the fear of going to the meeting.
Yeah.
It changed everything for you.
Oh, it was a game-changer. Good. It was a game changer, and it was so exciting to see such a strong recovery scene in Tucson. Like, I was like, Whoa, Dude, I'm like, I was not expecting this. Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah, and I needed that Dude. I really did because it was like I'm a very social person, and the second I start to isolate, you know, My go-to is drugs.
How has it been the last you said 15 months, right? Yeah How has it been the last 15 months as far as like the testing goes and stuff like are you still constantly under that? Struggle like where you crave it all the time or has it kind of subsided the more and more you continue
So, you know, and I'm so huge in NA because that's really where some of the magic started to happen for me in my personal journey, and you know, they say, You know, work some steps, and the obsession and compulsion to use will be lifted.
Well, that is so accurate for me today. Like, you know, I've had a lot of life on life's term shit happen recently. A lot.
Mhm.
My first go-to is not drugs. You know what I mean? It's not even my second go-to. It's just, you know. Drugs is not, I, I, you know, I find
it's off the menu
it's off the menu. It's so different.
Crazy.
Yeah. And, uh, it's crazy because yeah, no, I, uh, today I'm addicted to knowledge. You know what I mean? . I'm addicted to knowledge and. If I see another man in the program of NA and he has something that I want, I go up to him and I get his number. You know, I'll never forget it. I had walked out of a meeting, okay, one time.
This was before I had a sponsor. You know, I'm talking to this guy after the meeting about, you know, how I really value what this Dude has, how that Dude carries themselves, and all these things. Not even talking about the materialistic thing. They all have badass trucks and houses, but I really wasn't even concerned with all
that.
You know what I mean? How these men held themselves was something I had never really seen before. And he goes, hmm, okay. It was like a lightbulb moment, bro, for sure. It's like, well, you know, if you want what all these guys have, here's the idea. Why don't you do what they did? And it was like some aha moment, bro.
You know what I mean? Like such a simple answer. And I was just like, I'm like, oh, God, why didn't someone just tell me that like 20 years ago? Yeah, so
It's crazy how you hear somebody say something But it's not until you're ready or when God says that you're ready that you actually hear what they're saying Like it it's kind of a weird concept for people to grasp like I can tell you You know, to, to take out the trash, but it's not until you hear me and you're like, Oh shit, I got to take out the trash.
So you finally do it, right? So you finally opened up to, to that concept of recovery. You started seeing how your life was drastically changing in just that little bit of time.
Yeah.
So now your body's open to new ideas, new thoughts, like you said.
Yeah. Yeah. Now I could, I can retain the information given to me because I'm not closed minded to what's going on. ,
like, like I could be in a meet, you know, and it's like You know, I sponsor a couple guys now and it's like, I remember telling one of them, like, look bro, when you go into a meeting, you're going to get what you want out of this meeting. When I go into a meeting today, I go in with the expectation that I'm going to hear some message that could possibly save my life.
And every single time I leave a meeting, yo, I get something. Sometimes it's a sentence. Sometimes it's a whole, you know, story, but I gained something for that because that's what I was looking for. You know what I mean? And yeah, so, and you know, the other thing though, too, for me at least was, uh, willingness, bro.
You know, like the three spiritual principles they talk about in NA are honesty, open mindedness and willingness. And that's, yo, that's so accurate, bro. Like you gotta be open minded to hearing this information. But then, you gotta be willing to put the, the information into action. You know, I get a lot of suggestions, you know what I mean?
And, you know, it's funny, I had, I remember I told my sponsor one time, like, the NA basic textbook, I said, There's only one word I freaking hate in the NA book. And he's like, he laughed, he's like, what's that? And I go, the word suggestion. You know what I mean? Because, when anyone in my sponsor family, Or my sponsor gives me a suggestion, bro.
It's not even a suggestion to me. It's like, okay, well, this is what doing. I had a, you know, and not a big game changer for me. I'll say is, uh, I started, I stopped doing what I wanted to do necessarily and started doing what I needed to do. You know what I mean?
Because, and shout, shout out to God. You know what I mean? Cause it's definitely God's will that I'm sitting here. It's definitely not my will.
Yep.
Because look, I know if I, if I was to do shit my way, yo. It'd be a matter of time.
Mm hmm, absolutely. Bro, how have the relationships in your life changed since this happened?
How's the relationship with your mom now?
So, yeah, the relationship with my mom is good. She's got her own life, of course. She's, uh, happy with what I'm doing, you know? She sees the rewards and the difference, you know what I mean? Mainly It's my, uh, recovery family, bro, that, uh, where a lot of my relationships are that I, I hang out with the most and such today, you know what I mean?
Because they just get it. They get it, you know what I mean? And, and they know what I'm going through when I, when I'm going through some stuff. Yeah, so you know, uh, you know, the other thing is, uh, I hold myself around men that hold me accountable. That's a big one.
It's a
big one. Yeah, absolutely.
And I just had like, uh, an experience actually like two days ago.
. Yeah. So I'm, uh, leaving this men's meeting for an end, uh, my sponsor and my grand sponsor, which is my sponsor sponsor. You know, we're, we always talk after the meeting and, uh, you know, my grand sponsor, he's got like 27 years clean. He's got a lot of knowledge, Dude. You know what I mean? Yeah. And, uh, he had called me, kind of called me out on like some areas of my life that I could be doing better in, or maybe that I'm getting complacent in.
Oh, no shit.
put you in
your place, bro.
Yeah. And I need that. And there's a lot of humility in that. But I need that, and I know it comes from a place of love and empathy. So I don't get defensive. In fact, I get like, even though it's uncomfortable, it's like, okay, nice. You know what I mean? Now I know what areas are messing up, but this is where the brutal honesty comes in because I'm just brutally honest with whatever's going on in my life.
And there's a, you know, for me, at least what I've come to find. It's the best way that I gain self awareness is through an outside perspective. You know what I mean? Because it's like, I've been doing the same old shit my entire life. Sometimes I don't even realize when I'm like, maybe not living by spiritual principles.
Yeah. Maybe I'm being dishonest. You know what I mean? Unless I could be vigorously honest about like what's going on in my life, then that helps to, okay, well, you know. Let's not do this, bro, because maybe, you know, this is gonna be, Hey, maybe we shouldn't be talking to that girl that's, you know, uh, getting all screwed up on the weekends, you know what I mean?
Like, let's veer away from that, or, Oh, you know, you're, uh, you're getting complacent with, uh, Living at your grandpa's, you know what I mean? Like, we need to get out of that. You need to get more uncomfortable.
You're not uncomfortable being checked by people who care about you.
That's good.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's an uncomfortable experience, but I'm so comfortable being uncomfortable today, I almost don't even know what comfortable is anymore.
Man, that's, that's so funny. Because it's true, that's exactly what it is. It is. Think of everything here. Yeah.
Like, and the other thing is like, I, you know, my whole life, I veered towards being comfortable.
I thought that was like, what a good life looked like. And today it's just the opposite, man. Like if there's an uncomfortable situation, I veered towards it because I know there's growth behind it.
That's powerful, man.
Yeah,
that's powerful.
Yeah. So I get uncomfortable, like, you know, when I worked here at the ARC, you know, there be clients getting uncomfortable.
And I swear, Dude, I don't even need an energy drink when I see that shit happen. I get so pumped because I know on the other side of that uncomfortability is growth.
Yeah. You run out there like Shawn-T. Hey, homie, you need to get your life together.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's cool, though, man. That's what's up, bro.
And I mean, Dude, that's, that's, that's an incredible testimony. I mean, I think that's one of the hardest things, like you said, the accountability, taking responsibility for all of your mistakes, but also at the same time, allowing yourself to know that there's growth, being comfortable, being uncomfortable, finding comfort in that is something that I think most people can hear and they don't hear it until it's meant for them to hear it.
Yes.
You know, I mean, you are no longer in control. You have surrendered. Everything to a higher power. Something greater than yourself. And now look at how it's coming out. Look at how you're being rewarded.
Oh, and you know, uh, the gifts just keep on coming. You know what I mean? As long as I, uh, I just have to keep doing the next right thing for the next right reason.
Just do the best I can today, you know, if I, I constantly think about if I want a better future, okay? What are you doing today, bro?
So, if there was one thing, right? I don't know if you, if you thought about anything coming up here to the, to the ARCast, but like, if there was one thing in your heart that you wanted to say to a person that would be listening on the other end of this, right?
That you wish somebody would have told you. What would it be?
That's an interesting question. You know, I've been asked by many dudes like Andy. What's the what's like? How'd you do it? Like I have like some secret cheat code. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like I wish man. I wish for me man, it was a becoming willing Yo, for me, I for real had to change everything about my life.
Everything. It just wasn't working anymore. You know what I mean? And it's like, if you want something different, you have to be willing to put in the work to get it. None of this happens by wishful thinking.
Anything that you've experienced in your life. Even at the lowest point of your life, do you feel like any of it was in vain?
Or do you feel like it all needed to happen to bring you to where you're at right now?
I love that question. I absolutely do not regret anything that happened in my life because it, it, it, I learned from those experiences. You know what I mean? It molded me into being the man that I am today. You know what I mean?
From the, those experiences that I had, good and bad. So I don't, I don't regret any of it, but I also know that I don't want to go back to it.
Yeah.
That's what's up, man. That's a beautiful thing. And you know, I really am grateful for you coming through, man, and chopping it up and sharing your story with us.
You know, I appreciate it. Booda and uh, You know, I definitely, uh, pray people will finally take the chance to fight for their life because, you know, there isn't a beautiful life out there if you're willing to put in the work to get it. Like, I promise you, because I remember for the longest time I didn't think, you know, that was possible or, you know, a real thing and it is, Dude, I promise you it is.
Thank you brother, you know, it's a blessing having you ladies and gentlemen, give it up to our homeboy, Lil Sushi A. K. A. Andrew Benson. It was Lil Sushi, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
You know, I want to thank you very much for coming through, man, and for all of the listeners wherever you may be, you know, as always, the show notes are going to be on the episode, wherever you're listening to this on any platform, Spotify, Apple, all of them.
Click the link there. If you, a friend, a loved one has an amazing testimony, you want to come in here to the studio and speak from the heart and hopefully help somebody else, hit me up and I'll get you guys. You know what I mean? If you got any positive words of affirmations, you want me to pass on to my brother, Andrew here.
You can send them to me. I'll make sure he gets them. But until next time, thank you all so much for tuning in much love. God bless. And we'll see you on the next one. Peace.
Amen.